Advertise on CBF

Pages: [1] 2 3

Author Topic: Englands WORST ever Test XI  (Read 1724 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

petehosk

  • Administrator
  • Forum Legend
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 8656
  • Trade Count: (+38)
Englands WORST ever Test XI
« on: January 29, 2018, 04:38:15 PM »

Following on from the "Best" topic, I couldn't resist starting this topic.
If nothing else it is an education as I have not heard of a few of these players......or maybe I just forgot about them!
Any other candidates, feel free to add them?


England Worst Ever Test XI

Brace yourself. The following England team is a collection of the not-so-good, the bad, and in the case of Martin McCague, the ugly. Its a compilation of misfits, one-cap-wonders, has-beens, and honest county pros that should never have played for England. In fact, youll barely remember some of them. So lets take a trip down memory lane, and thank Misters Illingworth, Graveney, Miller, and Ted that Martin McCaddick is a good bowler Dexter for giving us a few laughs over the years.

1. Tim Curtis Used to teach English at Worcester Grammar School. He was certainly taught a lesson or two by the West Indies in 1988 (5 caps, batting average 16)

2. Martin Moxon Now a career coach at Yorkshire and Durham, its hard to believe that Moxon once made 99 in a test against New Zealand. In the next match, he was 81no overnight at the end of the third day. Days four and five were washed out. It just wasnt meant to be. (10 caps, batting average 28)

3. Ed Smith Good old Ed is a prolific writer and journalist. Just a shame he wasnt so productive with the bat for England. Scored 64 in his first ever test knock, but just 23 in his next four innings. International oblivion followed. Oh dear. (3 caps, batting average 17.4)

4. Darren Maddy Not the prettiest batsman to have played the game. Missed the entire 2009 season with injury. The result? Warwickshire got promoted. (3 caps, batting average 11.5)

5. Usman Afzaal After thrashing England in the 2001 Ashes, a leading Australian player commented that English players were soft because they earned fat county contracts at a young age and thought they were the dogs b****cks despite achieving nothing. He highlighted a recent England debutant, who had turned up to the first test with a cocky relaxed attitude and an ego the size of his flashy convertible car. The cricketer in question was Usman Afzaal. Not surprisingly the fired up Aussies sent Afzaal packing. (3 caps, batting average 16.6)

6. Aftab Habib Weve never heard of him either, but we vaguely remember a lost looking Asian guy representing England in two tests against the Kiwis in 1999. That must have been Habib. (2 caps, batting average 8.6)

7. Richard Blakey There were quite a few candidates here, but we found the former Yorkshire keepers record (two tests, 4 innings, seven runs, an average of 1.75 and just two catches) impossible to resist.  Indeed hes more famous for the name of his autobiography, controversially named Taking It From Behind, than his keeping. Stop sniggering at the back please.

8. Min Patel No, youre probably thinking of the pie eater, this is a different Patel. Min Patel played two tests for England in 1996. He took just the one wicket. Remember who it was? Neither do we. (caps 2, bowling average 180)

 

9. Alan Igglesden When Igglesden walked into the England dressing room before his debut in 1989, England captain David Gower asked him who he was. Later that summer, Ted Dexter enthused about his latest new recruit, the little known Malcolm Devon. Not surprisingly, Gower had never heard of him either. (3 caps, bowling average 55)

10. Mike Smith Gloucestershire fans claim that Mike Smiths England career would have been very different had Graham Thorpe held a simple chance to dismiss Matthew Elliott in just the third over of his solitary test appearance. Err no it wouldnt. (1 cap, bowling average n/a he didnt take a wicket)

 

11. Darren Pattinson Millers folly. Former Australian grade cricketer Darren Pattinson was plucked from obscurity to play one test against South Africa at Headingly 2008. It was the archetypal horses-for-courses selection; although the selectors failed to see that he was more of a donkey. (1 cap, bowling average 48).

Twelfth Man: Martin McCague Good old Martin McCaddick, as Ted Dexter liked to call him, was originally going to open the bowling in our starting XI. Unfortunately however, he predictably picked up an injury in the warm up.

So there you have it Englands worst ever test XI (well, the worst since weve been watching cricket, anyway). Can you think of anybody weve missed?


Logged

rickjames

  • World Cup Winner
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 3137
  • Trade Count: (0)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2018, 04:46:32 PM »

I'm just glad Darren Pattinson is in there
Logged

play-yourself-in

  • First XI Captain
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 197
  • Trade Count: (0)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2018, 04:49:21 PM »

I get PTSD reading some of those names, being an England fan has been tough over the years!

Ian Salisbury
Creepy Crawley

I'm pretty sure the ODI team would be even worse!

PS - Great thread!
Logged

justnotcricket86

  • World Cup Winner
  • *****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 4071
  • Trade Count: (+4)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #3 on: January 29, 2018, 05:09:04 PM »

I'm amazed Bopara isn't in there
Logged
The minute you hesitate, you're in trouble - Steve Waugh

golders

  • International Captain
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1530
  • Trade Count: (+10)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #4 on: January 29, 2018, 05:22:40 PM »

I get PTSD reading some of those names, being an England fan has been tough over the years!

Ian Salisbury
Creepy Crawley

I'm pretty sure the ODI team would be even worse!

PS - Great thread!

You mean John Paul Crawley?! I loved the guy,awesome off his legs,smoked like a chimney, and was sponsored by Peak Sports at some point. Average of 34 in the era he played could be considered a success!

Here is my side:

1.Nick Knight
2.Steve James
3.Hugh Morris
4.Chris Adams
5.Ian Ward
6.Adam Hollioake (C)
7.Warren Hegg (wkt)
8.Richard Dawson
9.Jimmy Ormond
10.Ed Giddings
11.Alan Mullally

12th Man: Chris Schofield


Nice long batting lineup!
Logged

Alvaro

  • Forum Legend
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5954
  • Trade Count: (+3)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #5 on: January 29, 2018, 05:28:42 PM »

I think anyone who has made hundreds should be spared this ignominy.

Apart from Keaton Jennings.
Logged

JB

Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #6 on: January 29, 2018, 05:41:24 PM »

I'd put Nick Knight's name from 1 to 11
Logged

WalkingWicket37

  • International Superstar
  • *******
  • Online Online
  • Posts: 12066
  • Trade Count: (+26)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #7 on: January 29, 2018, 05:46:10 PM »

Simon Kerrigan must have been worth a spot as 12th man at least? The worst player to ever get an Ashes winners medal?
Logged

felix

  • County 2nd XI
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 420
  • Trade Count: (0)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #8 on: January 29, 2018, 06:07:13 PM »

Simon Kerrigan must have been worth a spot as 12th man at least? The worst player to ever get an Ashes winners medal?

Nailed on as the #1 spinner in the XI for me over the other candidates, I can remember those loopy full bungers and long hops being dispatched by Shane Watson like it was yesterday.  Poor guy will probably never have the chance to redeem himself.  Salisbury was a bit of revelation on his debut against Pakistan in 92, sad that it all went a bit pear-shaped after that.  And at least Schofield got a test 50.
Logged

Alvaro

  • Forum Legend
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5954
  • Trade Count: (+3)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #9 on: January 29, 2018, 06:09:42 PM »

I'd put Nick Knight's name from 1 to 11

He wasnt great, but his Test hundred puts Nick Knight ahead of James Vince
Logged

felix

  • County 2nd XI
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 420
  • Trade Count: (0)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #10 on: January 29, 2018, 06:14:01 PM »

James Whitaker anyone?  One test on the otherwise triumphant 86/7 ashes tour, I can remember him getting out to the most awful shot for not many, never seen again.
Logged

Tailendfielder

  • County 1st XI
  • ***
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 539
  • Trade Count: (+1)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #11 on: January 29, 2018, 06:34:30 PM »

Warwickshire opener Nick Knight batted at 7 for england and was one of 6 county openers in the side. Was mental.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2018, 06:52:04 PM by Tailendfielder »
Logged

ppccopener

  • Forum Legend
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 5861
  • Trade Count: (+6)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #12 on: January 29, 2018, 06:48:47 PM »

I'm sure I've seen Martin McCague actually play in a test match so he's definitely in, fearsome quick bowler by reputation, turned out not to be as quick as Edge at the Southern nets.

To make matters worse,  he was absolutely definitely.....An Australian, so was playing for the wrong team.
Logged

golders

  • International Captain
  • ****
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 1530
  • Trade Count: (+10)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #13 on: January 29, 2018, 06:53:30 PM »

I think anyone who has made hundreds should be spared this ignominy.

Apart from Keaton Jennings.

I had to have one half decent player in there, otherwise it wouldn't be a proper international side.
Logged

Manormanic

  • Forum Legend
  • ******
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 6063
  • Trade Count: (+1)
Re: Englands WORST ever Test XI
« Reply #14 on: January 29, 2018, 07:40:46 PM »

I'm sorry, I know I will be castigated for happening to come from Yorkshire but - in a side of otherwise abject awfulness, how does Froggy Moxon get in?  He was poorly treated by the selectors, always being picked when Graeme Gooch didn't fancy it, and was a quality player.

Some that have barely been mentioned...

Amongst the batsmen, Mark Lathwell has to be up there.  I'd also suggest that Paul Parker and Alan Wells would be close.

The bowlers are the gift that keeps on giving.  To my memory, you'd want to discuss the claims of Joey Benjamin, Jimmy Ormond, Kabir Ali...but the two worst have to be Amjid Khan and the truly daft Mike Watkinson.  I'll also counter suggestions of white rose blindness by pointing out that, however badly treated by Nasser Hussain, few will manage as statistically shocking a test career as Gavin Hamilton!
Logged
"to be the man, you've got to beat the man"
Pages: [1] 2 3
 

Advertise on CBF